There’s no loss over love. Yea, so everything is over, nothing left, all gone in the wind. And it hurts? Yes! It has to hurt! Because you had dreams, everything planned out, you could play and replay your whole life together in your head, they were perfect, everything looked beautiful. Yes! It should hurt.

After a breakup, there’s usually going to be some part of you that wishes things turned out differently, even if you initiated it. When you’re not in the midst of the relationship, it’s easy to remember the good parts and forget the bad ones. But no matter who ended things, they ended for a reason. So yes, it’s gonna hurt, but this isn’t something you should regret. The good news is, there’s probably a lesson to be learned. Was there something you discovered about yourself regarding what you want or need so that your next relationship isn’t a repeat of this pattern when you’re ready to move on? Make a list of these insights and resolve to follow them in this most important part of your life. And if you find that, you are labelling yourself a “failure” or putting yourself down in some other way. Remember that relationships don’t fail, they run their course.

This is the time to reconnect with yourself and perhaps others in your life that you may have had little time for, instead of regretting. But it’s your choice as to whether the breakup remains a source of pain for you or an invaluable basis for personal growth.

We all have the power to pick our attitudes. Look upon being free of a relationship that wasn’t working as a good thing. Expect sad moments here and there, but don’t forget that the relationship you’re ending was not without pain either. By utilizing your inner resources and the sources of support you already have around you. Resolve to make this breakup the start of an exciting new beginning!

According to psychology, often times, trauma or pain fuel great change in people either positively or negatively. In a way, losing someone you have loved can cause that much pain if it was so deep. All there is to do is to transform every bit of it into positive energy. Like a refinery turns crude oil into fuel and all of that, soak it up, feel everything but let it change you the right way.

Unfortunately, in some cases, we refuse to let in light, because we need closure, some sort of affirmation, still believing it could work. So, some keep going back and forth. This is just illusions, but for the sake of it, you have to let yourself out some way.

These are a few things you could do to get yourself together
  1. Resolve to move on

Since we get what we focus on, if you focus on moving on, that’s what you get.  If you don’t resolve that it’s time to get moving, how are you supposed to ever be happy again? Make the decision to do and be different. It will be hard at first, but eventually you’ll heal and this will all be a distant memory.

  1. Give yourself closure.

Wanting perfect closure will keep you stuck just like not making the decision to move on. That’s why even in the wake of a breakup you didn’t want and didn’t invite. It’s important to give yourself the gift of closure.

  1. Focus on the other successes in your life.

There’s a reason why every relationship professional under the sun mentions that now is an excellent time to dive into your personal hobbies, career and other relationships. Because changing your focus away from what you’ve lost and back onto yourself has such powerful, transformative effects. A breakup is a time for rebirth. To reclaim the pieces of yourself that you’ve ignored or didn’t have time to express while you were in your relationship.

  1. Use affirmations to get through the painful times.

Since the pain of losing a relationship comes and goes in waves, it can be really helpful to have a plan for what to say to yourself when the grief hits you. At those dark times, using positive affirmations really comes in handy.

A few that have helped me are:

“Whatever is meant to be, will be.”

“This is all for the best.”

“If our relationship was all right, we’d still be doing it.”

  1. Make a plan and see it through.

Sometimes you just need another go-around to see your relationship with your ex was really meant to be. There are actually times when it makes sense to give your relationship another go-around. Take the perspective after a careful thought. If you deeply feel like things must be repaired between the two of you, then it’s an option worth exploring. If your ex seems open to it and you feel like you need to, you might want to consider reconciling.

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